Vaginisums: What it is & How to Keep It From Coming Between You
Vaginisums: What it is & How to Keep It From Coming Between You
What do you do when penetrative sex hurts? What do you do when vaginal sex is literally impossible to bear. How do you cope and how can you manage the obstacles to your emotional and physical intimacy?
When sexual intercourse just can’t happen for her, vaginismus may be the cause. Often, the condition is left out of discussions about sexual health and far too many suffer in silence. Sadly, far too many couples suffer, too, for lack of understanding, education, and support.
What is Vaginismus?
Vaginismus is a very real and treatable medical condition. It is characterized by muscle spasms of the pelvic floor muscles. It can be extremely uncomfortable, painful, upsetting for sufferers.
Often, women suffer for a long time, embarrassed to address it medically. This is complicated by the fact that there are varying kinds of vaginismus, affecting women differently. It can take time to diagnose properly as symptoms vary too.
Still, the pain can be so intense that couples give up altogether. This can create shame for the sufferer and put a strain on the relationship. Vaginismus is not a condition that fades. To see a significant improvement, the care of professionals is required all around.
What Causes Vaginismus?
It’s important to explore the causes of vaginismus with a professional. It will likely be unique to you and your experience. However, the following circumstances are common among many women:
Past sexual trauma: current sexual involvement may trigger painful, involuntary constriction in your pelvic muscles. This may render painless penetration impossible.
Anxiety conditions: sex may trigger fears related to pregnancy or intercourse, in general. Even fear of emotional vulnerability can manifest as vaginismus.
Unresolved infection: unmet medical needs linked to urinary tract or yeast infections can compound vaginismus. Prompt gynecological support may provide relief.
Childbirth: sometimes women are traumatized after having a baby. Vaginismus can result.
Reaction to medication– for some, vaginismus is the result of prescribed pharmaceuticals. A discussion with your doctor about your experience and other alternatives may help restore function.
Fortunately, treatment is possible. If you suffer from this condition, therapy can foster pain relief and prevent worsening symptoms. Moreover, you and your partner likely need some support as well.
How to Keep Vaginismus From Coming Between You & Your Partner
Education is Key
Partners don’t want their significant other to suffer. It spurs the desire to protect them and preserve their connection. Vaginismus is so troublesome because it can easily divide and overwhelm a couple’s bond. The sufferer feels isolated. The partner feels helpless. The natural path toward reconnection feels indefinitely off the table.
Knowing what you’re dealing with, possible treatments, and how to talk about it can ease the burden on your relationship considerably.
Read as much as you can from credible resources. Make appointments with vetted medical and therapeutic professionals. Do all you can to investigate the realities of treatments like dilators, pelvic floor therapy, and behavioral therapy.
Communicate Longing without Blaming or Shaming
The involuntary nature of vaginismus doesn’t change the fact that you long to be intimate. Do you feel cheated? Do you worry that childbearing won’t happen? The stressors of the condition easily shut down communication, especially if you feel powerless to address vaginismus productively. The implications for your future can be overwhelming.
Such emotional pain deserves attention. Couples counseling and sex therapy can help jumpstart stalled communication or resolve lingering resentments. Safe, nonjudgmental ways to talk things through are important. Healthy communication will help alleviate avoidance, conflict, and withdrawal in your relationship.
Patience, Not Pressure, Matters Most
The loss of control linked to this condition is frustrating. Even if you commit to therapy together, there will be times that progress fluctuates. The more support a suffering partner the better. Recovery is not an overnight process.
She must have time to regain control of her sexual experience. Following her lead and supporting her emotional and physical therapy with gentle encouragement is healthy and helpful.
Don’t Discount Other Forms of Intimacy
Closeness and intimacy are not off the table. Your relationship can still be fun and exciting if you look beyond standard intercourse to connect. Just because you can’t have sex right now, doesn’t mean you can’t be physical.
Kissing, touching, and all sorts of sexual activity are still stimulating. Investigate how you can lift the focus from just one area of the body to explore each other creatively.
Offer Support, Seek Support
Most of all, remember that the key to your relationship satisfaction is acceptance of your individual feelings and each other. From there you can start to work on healthy communication and relationship tools that will guide your way forward as a team.
A qualified, experienced therapist is crucial in this situation. I’m here to help. Please read more about sex therapy and reach out for a consultation soon.