Couples Counseling

Resolve Conflicts with Relationship Therapy and find the Romantic Connection you Once Shared With Your Partner.

Do you and your partner keep having the same arguments every day? Is your sex life suffering due to unresolved conflict? Do you wish there was a way to break the cycle of tension and distance between you so that you could grow close again?

When your relationship is struggling, everything else in your life can seem off-balance. The lack of support you receive from your partner could make things at work and home more stressful for you. Whenever you try to communicate with each other, the conversation either ends up in an argument without resolution or becomes superficial because you don’t talk about what’s really going on beneath the surface.

You may think your problems are due to surface-level issues like poor communication. In reality, however, it’s the underlying patterns and unresolved issues getting played out in your communication patterns that keep you disconnected. You might be the one who tries to talk to your partner, but the more you attempt to engage, the more your partner pulls away. Or perhaps you don’t ask directly for your needs to be met, because you feel like it’s useless to try—they never understand what you want, anyway.

Maybe you’re experiencing sexual difficulties in the relationship but don’t understand the connection between those difficulties and the unresolved conflicts between you. At this point in your relationship, you may feel more like friends than romantic partners, and both of you feel frustrated and hopeless.

Many Couples Avoid Counseling Until It’s Too Late

Long-term relationships are hard to sustain and it takes commitment from both parties for them to last. Although this is a reality that underlies all intimate relationships, our culture romanticizes the notion of true love. We are told that love is the answer to all problems and we should never have to work at it. This is, of course, a fantasy.

As romantic relationships have changed over time, they have become even more difficult to sustain. We now expect our partner to be our best friend, co-parent, lover, and confidante rolled into one. These high expectations put a lot of pressure on each other and can make intimacy —and even independence—in the relationship challenging. This dilemma is only heightened by the fact that we are all living longer, with some partnerships lasting 60-70 years.

Moreover, no one enters a relationship with a perfect childhood. It’s common for us to recreate conflicts with our significant others that we experienced within our families of origin. Because our parents are as human and fallible as we are, they usually aren’t ideal role models —even if their relationship didn’t seem all that bad.

Unfortunately, many couples wait until things are really bad in their relationship before they consider counseling. Most of them wait six years before seeking therapy. But in the meantime, negative patterns and conflicts between them become more entrenched and their relationships deteriorate further. When things reach this point, they usually consider separation and/or divorce..

We Can Help You Create A Healthier Relationship With Each Other

Couples therapy is about changing unhealthy patterns that have formed between you and your partner. The therapists at Joanne Bagshaw & Associates will help both of you identify the patterns of communication that aren’t working and come up with a plan to resolve them, both in the moment and outside of counseling. By giving you and your partner a safe space to express your vulnerability with each other, you can find tangible ways to create the connection you desire.

At our initial session, we will gather information to understand your strengths as well as the negative patterns and unresolved conflicts from your past and present. When conflicts arise during the session, we will stop—in real time—and give you the opportunity then and there to try a different way of communicating. Within an environment of safety, you will each get a chance to be vulnerable in front of one another.

In ongoing sessions, we will help each of you draw connections between the past and present so that you can better understand how one influences the other. The goal is to show you ways to relate to each other unencumbered by emotional baggage from the past. And because we’re sex therapists, we’ll also help you create more pleasure and satisfaction in your sex life, too.

People are complex and so are relationships. This is why we don’t rely on one theory to help you and your partner heal the wounds in your relationship. Instead, we integrate several leading couples therapy theories into our work, including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Imago Relationship Therapy.

Imago therapy posits that when you choose your partner, you likely choose someone “familiar” to you, meaning they remind you in some way of a parent or caregiver. This approach will help you heal from the hurts of your childhood and live in the present with your partner.

Unfortunately, many of the most popular couples modalities are drawn from theorists who are white, heterosexual, and whose focus is on monogamous relationships. We understand the limitations of these theories as they apply to gay and lesbian couples counseling as well as Black and brown couples and therefore individualize our work to include culturally diverse, LGBTQ-affirming therapeutic approaches and that support all relationship structures.

It’s time to get started working on your romantic relationship sooner than later. With the right tools and support, you will learn how to make this special partnership the center of your life.

But you may still be wondering whether couples therapy is right for you…

Isn’t marriage counseling expensive?

Yes, it can be, but it is still much less expensive than a divorce. Think of couples therapy as an investment in your relationship. And keep in mind that when you have loving support from your significant other, it makes all aspects of your life better.

We are so overcommitted with work and our kids’ schedules, we don’t have time for counseling.

Your relationship is the center of your children’s lives. If you don’t prioritize your romantic partnership, your children won’t have a nurturing, life-affirming source of refuge in their lives. It’s important not to wait until one or both of you are ready to leave the marriage before you consider counseling. We also offer virtual couples counseling and marriage counseling in Maryland, Florida, Delaware, Vermont, DC, and West Virginia. Relationship therapy using Telehealth is effective and convenient.

We need help, but I’m not sure if we need to see a sex therapist. Why should we work with you?     

The benefit of working with a couples counselor who is also a sex therapist is that many marriage counselors do not have training in sex therapy and are uncomfortable talking about sex with their clients. However, relationship issues are one of the factors that can influence sexual functioning. If your relationship is in conflict, chances are it’s affecting your sex life.

We are looking for a Black couples therapist. Can you help? Yes! It is crucial for Black couples to work with a Black couples therapist because they bring a unique, culturally informed perspective that resonates with their lived experiences. A therapist who shares a similar background can better understand the nuances of race, culture, and systemic oppression that impact relationships. This shared cultural awareness fosters a safe and affirming space where clients can explore sensitive issues, such as racial trauma and discrimination, without the need to educate their therapist on these realities. Ultimately, this culturally sensitive approach helps couples to address conflicts more effectively and promotes healing and growth within the relationship. Our therapist, Sade Adeeyo, is a Black sex and couple therapist who offers Imago therapy.

Do you work with LGBTQ + couples?

Our specialized couples counseling supports LGBTQ+ clients by addressing communication issues, emotional barriers, and relationship dynamics. We also explore the impact that societal expectations, family dynamics, parenting challenges, and employment discrimination can have on LGBTQ+ relationships. Through proven therapeutic approaches like Imago Therapy, we help couples strengthen their bond and foster understanding.

When Your Relationship Is Working, Everything Else In Your Life Will Fall Into Place

It’s possible to return to the deep connection that you and your partner once shared. Let the therapists at Joanne Bagshaw & Associates help you restore the loving relationship you’ve been missing. Schedule a free consultation today. We offer couples counseling and marriage counseling in our Kentlands office and virtual throughout Maryland, as well as Telehealth in New York, Florida, West Virginia, Delaware, and Vermont.

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