What Is Narcissistic Abuse And How To Identify It In A Relationship
You thought everything was perfect, but now your word feels like it’s falling apart.
You didn’t catch it at first, despite the signs being clearly there. You’re thinking about past experiences, you honestly don’t know how you didn’t realize this sooner.
You feel controlled, manipulated, and led on. But that’s exactly what happened, isn’t it? You’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist this whole time.
It’s like you had on rose-colored glasses. You took them off, and you’re finally able to clearly see for the first time. Things aren’t as great as you thought. But how did this happen? Why did you let this go on for so long?
What exactly is narcissistic abuse and how can you identify it in a relationship? Let’s find out.
What is Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is a form of abuse that narcissists use. Basically, it’s an insidious type of abuse that someone with narcissistic behavior uses to control and manipulate you. Narcissistic abuse has a pattern that can go unnoticed for a long time, but once you see it, things become very clear. People with narcissistic behavior will build you up, tear you down, and build you up again. The pattern repeats again and again until you are confused about reality and believe all of their problems are your fault.
Narcissists may use several different types of tactics to control a situation or a person. Some common tactics include:
Gaslighting: Making you question your sanity and reality
Hoovering: Sucking you back into the relationship if they think you’re going to leave
Love Bombing: Grand romantic gestures or flattery used to manipulate you into staying in the relationship
Badgering: Demanding an immediate response or answer
How to Identify Narcissistic Abuse
When you know what to look out for, narcissistic behaviors may be easier to spot. Unfortunately, if you’re not aware of some of the indicators, it may be months or even years before you realize your partner has been narcissistic.
Here are some of the warning signs to look out for when dealing with a narcissist in a relationship:
Control
Narcissists will try to do everything they can to have total control over anything and everything they can. This includes controlling their partner. At first, a narcissist will work to control their partner’s attention. After having control over the attention, they’ll move on to controlling their time. This need for control will keep growing until they can have full and total control and power over their partner.
Social Isolation
Controlling their partner also extends into the social circle as well. A narcissist will try to break apart their partner’s existing relationships with friends, family, and other loved ones. They will have a hard time sharing with their partner or feel like they’re not receiving all of the love, support, time, and attention from their partner. A narcissist will lie or speak negatively or try to keep them distracted or distant from their loved ones.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that can disorient someone and make them question themselves. A narcissist will use this technique to make their partner feel like they can’t rely on their own memories because they’re wrong or not reliable. Gaslighting is a way for narcissists to feel like they can control certain situations for their own benefit, often making their partner feel like they are at fault.
Not Respecting Boundaries
Another way to identify narcissistic abuse is by feeling like your privacy or boundaries are being disrespected. Your narcissistic partner may attempt to go through your phone, emails, or journal. They may even try to weigh in on personal decisions like what you choose to wear or what you eat. Some narcissists will even try to take this a step further by keeping tabs on you.
Seeking Help
Although your friends and family love and support you, they may not completely understand what you’re going through. Due to this, it could cause you to feel even more isolated and alone. No matter the exact type of abuse, it can take a toll on you mentally and physically.
Therapy can be a great safe space for you to feel heard and understood. Working with a therapist can help you better understand what you’re going through, as well as ways to help you cope with your current situation. With time, you can find ways to set healthy boundaries and build your sense of self again.
It’s important to know that you aren’t alone. You can get your life back. Contact us today to learn more about how we can support you.