Low Desire in Women: What Causes it?
Low desire is the most common sexual dysfunction complaint that women have. Why is that? In large part, it’s due to the way that we believe sexual desire functions. We’ve been conditioned to believe that desire and our sexual response cycle is linear, meaning that desire comes first, then arousal, then orgasm, followed by the resolution or baseline phase. Then repeat. This is the model that Master’s and Johnson proposed originally in 1966 and again 1979. The Masters and Johnson sexual response cycle describes what is typical for approximately 75% of cis-gender heterosexual men.
But for most cis-gender women, the sexual response cycle is circular, meaning that desire can show up any time during the sexual response cycle, and for most most women who identify themselves as having low desire, desire tends to be experienced after arousal, not before.
But since our culture bases what is considered as normal or typical on cis-gender heterosexual men, it means that many women feel like there must be something wrong with them.
In our culture:
Women have been conditioned to tune out the sensations in our bodies so we don’t feel desire, even when we have it.
Society gives us consistent confusing messages about our bodies and our sexuality so women often find sex stressful.
Straight women experience an orgasm gap. 91% of men have orgasms compared to only 39% of women.
Women’s desire in long term relationships tends to go down over time
Women’s desire is strongly influenced by external factors, so job stress, relationship conflict, political stressors can all effect women’s experiences of desire.
Fortunately theres’s a way out of the low/no desire, mediocre sex and self-blame cycle. Want to find out more about your desire style? Take my free quiz, What’s your Desire Style?
You can also learn more by listening in on a podcast Joanne did with Amanda Testa on how patriarchal systems affects women’s desire.
Keywords: desire, low desire, treatment for low desire, sex therapy, couples sex therapy, Montgomery County, Maryland, New York, patriarchy, feminism, women’s sexuality, marriage counseling, AASECT certified sex therapist