Want a successful relationship? Do these things:
Research on couples shows that satisfied same gender-couples tend to be happier than heterosexual couples. I wanted to find out why that is, so in 2018, I conducted a focus group with folks in same-gender relationships who identified themselves as having a happy relationship. I did a *qualitative analysis, and what I learned is that same-gender couples are really good at putting their relationship first.
Putting your relationship first is a guiding principle and significant factor in creating a happy long term relationship. How can you center your relationship in your life? Implement relationship maintenance strategies.
Relationship Maintenance Strategies
Long term relationships require quite a bit of work to be successful. Relationship maintenance strategies are behaviors and attitudes that promote the relationship. Some examples that might be familiar to you, include being positive towards your partner, being emotionally available, providing assurances and sharing tasks. In my focus group, the themes of equity, flexibility, shared relationship vision, expressions of love, trust building communication and humor were considered relationship maintenance strategies that demonstrate how to place the relationship as a priority in their life.
Most couples are willing to put in the work to make their relationship successful, but might not know what they should be doing.
Demonstrate equity with fairness in managing finances, household tasks, and initiating sex. Allow each yourself to be influenced and changed in positive ways by each other. Share responsibility for the relationship.
Use humor to resolve conflicts and maintain connection. Do new things together.
Use open and honest communication to build trust. Interrupt patterns of conflict, and be willing to be vulnerable with each other.
Be open to new ways of doing things by being flexible, and change roles and responsibilities as needed and communicated.
Co-create your relationship by identifying a vision of your relationship based on shared values
Regularly express love in a variety of ways to deepen connection and strengthen the relationship.
What gets in the way:
Sometimes unresolved conflicts, or major relationship ruptures like infidelity, or even past trauma can make implementing tools and strategies in your relationship really hard, which can make change feel hopeless. You don’t have to struggle alone though- marriage counseling and sex therapy can help you create the healthy and happy relationship that you desire.
*For the science geeks, I used a thematic analysis using Braun and Clarke’s (2006) six-phase process was used to identify and analyze themes and was chosen for its flexibility and compatibility with a generic qualitative analysis (Percy, Kostere, & Kostere, 2015) to analyze data.
Keywords: marriage counseling, couples counseling, sex therapy, Montgomery County, Maryland, New York, happy relationships, infidelity, unresolved conflict, values, couples sex therapy.