Feminist Sex Therapy + Marriage Counseling
Making the connection between feminism and sex & relationship therapy isn’t always intuitive.
Essentially, feminism is about dismantling hierarchies, and we integrate that perspective into therapy sessions by working collaboratively with clients, and helping couples attend to their own power differences, so that they too, can work collaboratively with each other.
Feminist therapy is also holistic, meaning that attention and consideration is given to the way that systems and cultural influences shape our expectations and behavior, and how these might impact our relationships, sexual and overall health, quality of life, and identity.
Consider the scenarios below to help draw connections, keeping in mind that we are all complex, and many factors can create disruptions in our lives and relationships, so here I’m only focused on how feminist interpretations can help resolve issues:
“If I ignore the influence and impact of the social, cultural, and political environment on the lives and relationships of my clients, what good am I actually doing? - Joanne Bagshaw”
Michael & Susan:
A mid life heterosexual couple have not had sex for months. Some of the issues that are impacting their non-sex life are that Michael has experienced erectile dysfunction, which Susan takes personally as she believes that “Men always want and are ready for sex” therefore she assumes Michael isn’t interested in her because her body has changed as she’s gotten older. And Michael believes that “Men shouldn’t share their vulnerable feelings, especially anxiety” so neither Michael or Susan are able to talk honestly about their pain which creates distance and unresolved conflict in their relationship, ultimately affecting their sex life.
A feminist approach could be to help Michael & Susan challenge their rigid beliefs about gender and help them become more vulnerable with each other, and problem solve together.
Angela & Gloria:
Angela has never had an orgasm with her partner, Gloria. Even hough Angela is a successful professional who prides her self on her confidence at work, she is embarrassed to talk ask for what she needs sexually, and to even admit that she is not having orgasms. Gloria is aware that Angela is not having orgasms, but is afraid to talk to Angela about it. Angela assumes that there is something wrong with her and suffers in silence. Neither are aware of the impact that Angela’s earlier sexual assault (gender-based violence) has on her life, currently.
A feminist approach could be to explore the impact of sexual trauma in Angela’s past and help her make connections between her shame around expressing vulnerability and feeling safe with partner. Additionally, education about women’s sexual desire and functioning (which is typically excluded from sex education programs) will benefit both.
Joya & Adri:
Joya and Adri are in an arranged marriage. They are in their late twenties, have been together for five years, and are desperate to make their relationship work. They have not been able to have penetrative intercourse, because it causes Joya significant pain. Neither of them had any formal sex education in the country where they were born. The only information that Joya received about sex was from her mother and grandmother, who told her that, “Sex is something you have to do for your husband, and to have children.” And Adri, also wasn’t told anything about sex, only that he was expected to get married to Joya, and have children. They are both in distress, and too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it.
An integrative feminist approach (feminism along with sex therapy techniques) would respectfully consider Joya and Adri’s cultural background, and give them practical sex education that untangles gender role expectations and is instead based in science and sexual health. Additionally, techniques to help alleviate Joya’s vaginismus, and Adri’s shame, and strengthen their connection as partners would be included in the treatment.
Have questions about feminist therapy? Let us know-
Keywords: feminist therapy, feminism, sex therapy, Montgomery County, Maryland, New York, couples counseling, marriage counseling, couples sex therapy.