Sex and Dating: Topics to Include in Discussions with Your Teen
Let’s face it, teens today know a lot more about everything than previous generations. They literally have the whole world in the palms of their hands. And like it or not, if they wanted to, they could easily circumvent you when it comes to questions about sex, sexuality, and relationships.
But, believe it or not, they probably don’t want to go it alone. Quite the opposite. Teens just don’t want to be judged, humored, lectured, or dismissed. If you can avoid all of that, your teen will likely be very happy to hear and learn (even if they don’t show it). Your thoughts, ideas, and expectations regarding a healthy sex life matter to them.
So, take time to help them safely and successfully navigate their sexual world is. The whole thing, as you know, can be a bit overwhelming.
To be as helpful and informed as possible, consider the following information:
6 Sex and Dating Topics to Include in Discussions with Your Teen
1. Start with the Sexual Basics
Because teens have access to so much information, it’s easy to think you don’t have to address the basics of sexual development, function, pleasure, and safety. Yet, it’s best not to assume anything.
Keeping the discussion as open and comfortable as possible, ask your teen if they have any questions about their own bodies or sexual feelings. Keeping your tone even and friendly. Make sure your body is relaxed and open. The helps your teen relax too. Once your teen’s questions are addressed, you can move along by covering the fundamentals.
Teenagers are naturally curious about sex. Once you demonstrate that everything is on the table, discussion of hygiene, intercourse logistics, readiness, etc should move along nicely.
2. Talk About Safer Sex
Explain the risks of pregnancy and STI/STDs. If you determine together that the time is right, you can discuss starting a birth control plan and familiarize them with contraceptive methods.
When you discuss the consequences of sex, make it clear that you aren’t controlling them. Your goal isn’t to scare or suppress their desire for sex. Communicate only that there are tools they need to be secure and healthy when they do become sexually active.
3. Discuss Sexual Attraction
Create a safe space for accurate and open-minded discussion of gender and sexual identity. If your teen is questioning their own sexuality you want to know about it. Help your teen by listening well. Exploration is normal and understanding sexual attraction takes time. The idea is to remain positive and accepting. The most important thing? To assure your teen of your unconditional love. Openly voice appreciation for your teen’s honesty and keep the door open for future conversations.
4. Spotlight the Importance of Consent
Sexual assault cannot be ignored. Your teen must understand how it happens and how it is prevented.
Make sure your teen understands that sex out of fear and obligation is not okay. Explain that forced sexual activity is rape and that a rapist is more likely to be someone that they know. A clear explanation of what consent is, that no means no, and how and why consent is an absolute must, is vital.
Be sure to discuss social media and internet misinformation, listen to their personal experiences, and consider the possible scenarios and circumstances they may encounter at parties or other social situations. Consider situations when consent might seem fuzzy or compromised. Talk through them together. Stress that alcohol and drugs can impair judgment and foster unsafe situations.
5. Distinguish Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
Talk to teens about what a healthy relationship looks like. Often, teens don’t understand how dating violence and abuse occur in increments, over time. Explain that sexual violence can often follow and increase the likelihood of troubled or violent relationships in the future. Talk to your teen about how power differentials can show up in dating relationships, and how a misuse of power can signal an unhealthy relationship.
6. Set Your Teen Up with Multiple Avenues of Support
Most of all, your teen needs to know that no topic of their sexual education is off-limits. Whatever the question, they need to know that there is a safe, compassionate, non-judgmental place to turn. Sexual conversations need to be common and normal. The people they turn to need to be trustworthy and readily available.
You can create a supportive environment in which your teen feels confident and prepared. Practically, ensure that they have the support they need to make healthy sexual decisions. Make access to you, doctors, health clinics, etc. easily obtainable.
A counselor, too, can be an invaluable support to you and your teen. Reach out for ways to be the best communicator on these topics. Also, consider therapy sessions for your teen alone, giving them another place to share openly and receive accurate, science-based information.
We’re here to help when the time is right. Please read more about teen counseling and contact us soon for a consultation.
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