Don’t Call Me That! Why LGBTQ Teens Reject Labels
Language offers a powerful opportunity to identify and solidify ideas about who you are and what you’re about.
However, sometimes other people use language to tell you who you are. When this happens you might be marginalized, misrepresented, or simply suffer a case of mistaken identity.
LGBTQ teens seem to get that. Hence, their rejection of societal labels is understandable. Increasingly, we see young social media influencers, celebrity teens, and everyday youth in our own communities breaking away. Rigid labeling of their gender, sexual identities, and relationship preferences feel wrong to them. And they don’t mind saying so.
Why LGBTQ Teens Reject Labels
Freedom is everything.
Teens want to test out their independence. It’s what adolescence is for. Therefore, it’s no surprise that teens who recognize a fluidity in their sexuality want to explore it without their parents’ or grandparents’ labels hemming them in. Moreover, social media and growing social acceptance have allowed more teens to explore the idea of not labeling their sexuality at all.
Teens are seeing sexuality and gender as full spectrums with changeable states. For them, unlike generations past, the question is not “what are you”, but “why bother asking?” Experimentation and fluidity aren’t seen as fickleness but freedom to be their full selves.
Labels cut them off from each other.
Why reject labels like “gay,” “lesbian” and “bisexual ? Because such labels confine and divide them from their community of support. Many teens have endured bullying, ostracism, and deep loneliness. They don’t want to be seen as “other” or alien because of their sexuality. Thus, the idea of being separated into tiny little factions for social or political convenience is unacceptable.
Many teens opt to see themselves as part of a more generalized, normalized group. Often, teens prefer the term “queer” if a term must be used. This way, all of the LGBTQ boxes are open and unified, enjoying a connected sense of community with those who don’t identify as heterosexual. They are dialed into the idea that is vital to listen to each other and not ignore or minimize the way they choose to self-identify.
Teens want to push back against stigma and stereotypes.
Teens of all sexual types want to fit in and be accepted. They don’t want to be known only as gay or transgender any more than they are labeled “black kid” or the “geek”. They want to be seen and known without having to carry around the ideas and stereotypes society places on LBGTQ people.
Teens question – and resist – labels so they can more authentically shape their own identities. They want to be more precise and self-aware. The goal is that their lives reflect their own needs and personalities, not a media or societal idea of what it means to be non-heterosexual.
Help Sort Out Labels, Identity, and the Life Their Meant For with Support
Whether you are the ally of a teen who refuses to be labeled or a parent of a teen struggling to come to terms with their own self-perception, don’t go it alone. Learning to provide a supportive environment in which your teen feels confident and secure, regardless of the circumstance or social climate, is possible. Working with a qualified professional ensures that you have the guidance required to encourage your teen in making healthy life decisions.
In addition, consider therapy sessions for your teen individually. A routine of sharing with someone who is focused on hearing them out privately will help them develop their own coping skills and self-awareness. A safe place to share openly and interact without fear is crucial at this developmental stage.
Let us help. We’re here to guide and assist in any way you and your family deem helpful. Please read more about teen counseling and contact us soon for a consultation.