It's Okay, Let's Discuss your Delayed Ejaculation
First of all, you needn’t be embarrassed. Though we realize you are probably struggling to talk about your DE (delayed ejaculation) anyway. It is likely, that this isn’t something you’re talking about much, even with your partner or best friend.
That’s okay. You aren’t alone. Perhaps, by exploring this topic more openly and fully here you can manage the situation optimally (and a bit more optimistically).
So, What is DE Exactly?
Once referred to as diminished ejaculation or male-orgasmic disorder, experts determined that those names carried a level of social stigma. To mitigate that, “delayed ejaculation” is now used to better describe the condition.
Generally, delayed ejaculation is distinguished by an ongoing struggle or inability to achieve orgasm and/or ejaculation. Overall, delayed ejaculation becomes an issue when it
occurs for more than six months,
creates distress, and
occurs during most or all sexual activity.
For some, the DE is general and pervasive. For others it is situational. Some men have always had DE and others developed the issue over time. Studies show that DE can happen more frequently as you age.
It’s important to note that DE happens to most men at one time or another, but chronic problems in this realm can create stress for you and strain your relationship.
These DE Causes May Be At Play
Like most sexual dysfunction, DE is often caused by a mixture of physical and mental factors.
Are you trying to manage these physical factors?
Treatments, medications, and surgeries associated with aging
Pharmaceuticals for depression or anxiety that reduce ejaculatory capacity and latency
Masturbation-related issues (high frequency, penile irritation, etc)
Drugs for erectile dysfunction (ED) like Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, etc that improve erection capability but not necessarily sexual arousal that would promote ejaculation
Are you trying to manage these mental stressors?
embarrassment or shame concerning masturbation or a preference toward masturbation
A problematic contrast between the masturbatory experience and actual intercourse with a partner
Lagging confidence, and poor body image, etc.
concerns, stress, or resentment regarding attempts to conceive
questions regarding sexual orientation
the cooling effect of unresolved anger and resentment in the relationship
religious/ cultural concerns about semen capacity, possible harm due to ejaculation, defilement of a partner, etc.
Focus Less on Ejaculation Time and More on Your Mind
Are you so focused on the delay that you haven’t really considered the underlying circumstances of your ejaculation problems? Often sexual dysfunction is a psychological matter that presents physically. It is crucial to recognize and deal with the mind-body connection.
When you have DE, you can get wrapped up in normalcy and time.
How you can achieve a “normal” ejaculation time can cloud more important considerations in bed. Thoughts of what is or isn’t too long a delay in ejaculating can become the focus of your sexual life.
Have you been so focused on the delay that you haven’t really considered the underlying circumstances of the ejaculatory problems? Sexual dysfunction is often a psychological matter that presents physically. It is crucial to recognize and deal with the mind-body connection. In fact, an increasing number of experts find that when discussing the impact of DE, sufferers are benefitted more by dealing with partner issues, unresolved emotions, and self-esteem issues.
How DE can create a disheartening disconnect with your partner.
If you’ve suffered from DE for a while, you may have backed off partnered sex significantly. Relationship strain can result.
What seemed like a sexual strength ( stamina or staying power) early on may now be a barrier to pleasure and satisfaction. Do you sense your partner feels worried or upset that your DE signifies a lack of attraction? If so, emotional intimacy may wane. If your DE, and any accompanying sense of rejection and resentment, are not addressed, they can lead to destructive anger and blame.
Reach out for DE Support and Guidance
Moving forward, you should understand that the most useful approach to overcoming DE is understanding the combined effect of various factors rather than trying to break each one down for treatment. You are a full and complex human being. Your experience with DE is unique to you.
More importantly, DE is not a secret you have to keep. You needn’t suffer in silence or isolation. Therefore, seek experienced helpers, invested in helping you understand DE as a response to bodily, behavioral, relational, and cultural facets of your life.
Fortunately, more and more DE research and support are available. Right now, we are here to help. Read more about sex therapy and contact us soon for a consultation.